Pineapples, Vermont and my thoughts about becoming an expatriate

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Words you guys, and pictures. Man, there are so many words and pictures I’m avoiding putting together right now, I don’t even know what to do. This seems like the easiest combo of words and pictures I need to get finished, so here we are.

I went to Burlington, Vermont for a comedy show this weekend, with my partner in crime/comedy person Phoebe Angle. Oh boy, do I love Burlington. Its like a magical wonderland filled with people who mostly agree with me and also lots of dairy products, beer and greenery. It was pretty amazing.

 

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I dare you to find a more picturesque porch! I DARE YOU!

 

Phoebe’s aunt was nice enough to let us stay with her in her awesome log cabin a half hour outside of Burlington. It was wedged between a bobcat preserve and a bunch of farmland. It’s totally the type I’ve place I’d love to live someday, if I could ever pull my shit together, which I won’t.

I also found it slightly terrifying because it was so remote. I watch too many shitty horror movies. I’m well aware that it’s far more likely for me to be killed in a random mugging in the city than by a monster/ghost/serial killer in the middle of nowhere but that’s not going to make me stop being terrified when the only thing I can hear is crickets and silence and not constant construction, traffic and people yelling at each other for no reason. I might not thrive on chaos but I certainly am used to it.

 

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I probably should have taken my photo in front of this mural, but I didn’t. We all have our regrets.

 

During the day we traipsed around Burlington. Mostly, this consisted of buying cheese, drinking, finding random stores filled with crystals and going to a fancy tapas place that replaced the silverware so many times in between courses that I think we used more than I actually own. It was awesome.

 

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Sweet Jesus, everything in this place is adorable.

 

As such, I have officially named Burlington, “One of the places I would retire to if I ever wanted to completely cut myself off from anyone who as ever disagreed with me and also Walmart.”

Other places on this list are Ithaca, NY, which is basically Burlington with a gorge and Monteverde Costa Rica, which is on top of a mountain in the middle of the rainforest, complete with several coffee plantations. Some days I feel like I’m roughly 2.5 national tragedies/comedy festival rejections away from becoming an expatriate, so DON’T FUCKING PUSH ME. Also please book me.

 

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…..AAAAnyway I should probably talk about fashion now. I got this dress in a weird little dress/surf shop in Provincetown in Cape Cod, MA. It’s by Ocean Drive Clothing Co. The beaded necklace was another piece of jewelry that my mom used to wear in the ’70s. The earrings are by Amano Studio. The ring was a souvenir my parents gave me when they visited the Dominican Republic. The jean jacket is from the consignment shop chain, Buffalo Exchange in Davis Square. The purse is by Guess but I’m not gonna lie to you guys, I bought it from Marshalls. Also, in the great Vermont tradition of comfortable footwear, the shoes are from BOC. It’s a great brand that makes cute shoes that you can actually walk in without looking like you’re wearing something from your Grandma’s closet.

I don’t really talk about make up much but in case your wondering, since it’s absurdly bright, I’m wearing a liquid lipstick from Revlon called Ultra HD Matte Lipcolor in HD Spark. I LOVE how pigmented it is, but unfortunately, it’s not one of those ‘all day wear’ type liquid lipsticks, so you have to reapply a bit more than I’d like. It looks great though, just keep in mind, if you’re eating or drinking, it’s pretty much going to end up everywhere. You’ve been warned.

 

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The show itself was a ton of fun. It was at a bar/crepe place/venue, because that’s a thing in Vermont. A delightful thing. There were a ton of super cool Vermont comics there and everyone had a grand old time.

 

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Wooo comedy!

 

It also bears mentioning that there were murals damn near everywhere in Burlington, including in a long hallway filled with rainforest sounds on the way to the bathroom of the venue… which is how this happened.

 

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It’s right behind me, isn’t it?

 

After that we headed back home, immediately got a flat tire, got the flat tire fixed and drove back to Boston. And when I say drove I mean mostly Phoebe drove because I am the worst.

And just for the hell of it, here’s a clip from a set a did in the same dress from a show I did with PYPO Network. Cheers!

 

Disco-riffic: The Jumpsuit Saga

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You know what I have an irrational love for? Jumpsuits. The glorious combination of not quite pants and not quite a dress, the jumpsuit is great for a party, provided that you never, ever, under any circumstances have to use the bathroom.

I went to a beer festival recently and saw several stylish young ladies wearing these. Look, I’m a big fan of good style, but really? You are going to an event where the entire point is to drink as much as you can (or ‘enjoy the taste’, I guess), the only available bathrooms are porter potties and you have to literally strip naked in order to get a jumpsuit off? ARE YOU INSANE?

 

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In the event that I don’t chop off my shoes in a photo, I make it a point to chop off my elbows.

 

So yeah, jumpsuits aren’t particularly practical, but as long as you’re not in a sketchy bathroom situation its not that big of a deal….except when you safety pin your bra to your jumpsuit so it doesn’t stick out, which is exactly what I did without thinking about it.

This jumpsuit happens to be completely backless, which looks cool in theory but in general is a giant pain in the ass. Unless you’re an A cup not wearing a bra isn’t really an option and wearing one anyway just looks weird. The only other option is a variety of contraptions, née, medieval torture devices that may or may not actually work.

 

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THE HORROR

I used a backless bra extender, which is pretty much the best you can do. It’s also very cheap (the one I got was around $10), so at least you’re not buying a $60 bra you are only going to wear once a year. That being said, it’s not particularly comfortable because you have to wear a weird bra strap that goes around your waist.

 

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Like the tamest bondage ever. (via thebraguide.com)

It works relatively well, but if you have something really low backed like I did, you still need to pin it in place or it’ll ride up. This works fine if you’re using it for a dress or shirt, but in a jumpsuit, you are essentially trapped.

Long story short, I wore this to a show but didn’t stick around afterwards to hang out because I REALLY had to pee.

 

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Also, as much as I love jumpsuits, they do nothing for your ass.

 

And after all that, you can still kind of see it peaking out a bit. Your other bra option is one of those sticky bras which don’t work at all if you are on the larger side and only sometimes work if you are on the medium-small side.

I’ve worn a sticky bra a couple of times. The first time it worked just fine but it was a cold day and you can’t sweat, like at all. The second time I wore it, it was warm and after being outside for about 5 minutes the thing fell off pretty much immediately. Since most backless stuff is summer clothing anyway, it boggles my mind that these things even exist. Anyway, that was a really weird baby shower.

Another backless option is to straight up tape your boobs in place using medical or gaffers tape. I haven’t tried this but as weird as it is, it seems like it might work best, provided you don’t take anyone home that isn’t into bondage. I’d go for medial tape, just cuz it’s actually designed to be on your body, but neither seems particularly comfortable. If you’re interested in trying it, you can find some quick tips at the braguide.com.

 

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Ok, enough boob talk. I got this jumpsuit once again, from the clearance rack at Urban Outfitters. I defiantly wouldn’t pay full price for something that requires this much work, but at a steep discount, it’s totally worth it. I got the pendant from a neat little vintage gift shop in Albany, NY. It’s one of my favorite pieces. The earrings are yet again from So Good Jewelry, which unfortunately, just went out of business in Downtown Crossing. Where will I find 50¢ costume jewelry now? Alas!

Anyway, that’s all for now! Tune in next time where I will talk much less about boobs! (probably)

Tattooed like a Sailor (aka another mermaid post but at least this dress is wearable)

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Hey, have you guys noticed a theme lately? Nope? Me neither. Don’t worry this is the last mermaid related post for awhile…until I feel like posting one again. I can’t help it. I just grew up loving mythological stuff and aside from the fact that I have to pay rent/have a job/feel mostly dead inside, the part of me that likes mermaids has stuck around. Also this particular dress has the added bonus of looking like some really beautiful tattoo flash, a thing I’ve loved since I was a teenager and realized I could swear.

So, what you can get from this post is that I haven’t changed much since I was 6 and 14 respectively, only instead of being bratty/angry at nothing specific, I’m jaded/angry about lots of specifics, most of which I have absolutely no control over. Then I bitch about it on stage and feel like I’m doing something. I live a charmed life.

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I digress. I randomly discovered this dress from a specialty clothing place on Instagram. When I realized it was from a brick and mortar store (formally just called ‘stores’) in another state, I found the designer and went strait to the source/internet. This baby is from Sourpuss Clothing. They are a great brand that has a lot of punk/vintagesque/pinup/tattoo inspired stuff, which is right up my alley. I’ve known about them forever, but somehow this is my first dress from them.

 

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Wooo naked ladies!

I got the sugar skull earrings from Nomad in Cambridge, MA, one of my favorite stores ever. They have lots of nifty Central/South American jewelry, fair trade clothing, stuff made from alpaca wool and random art, homegoods and nicknacks.

The flower hair clip is from a little accessories store in Provincetown, MA and the bracelet is from the clearance section at Michael’s.

I’ve worn this dress on a couple of shows and I’m a big fan. I have an aversion to long dresses on stage. This fits the bill of being short, but not too short, is actually comfortable and has a nice pop while not being too weird.

I don’t have an shot of myself wearing the dress onstage BUT I wore it to my most recent Broad Appeal show and took a bunch pictures of other comics. So…you can see photos I took of other people while I was wearing the dress, which you are not going to see. Think of it like a first person shooter game except no one gets murdered or called a variety of slurs by an 11 year old boy. You are experiencing the dress from my lens. Yes. This makes sense.

I think.

Anyway here’s some photos.

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Headliner Alison Klemp from NYC!
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Pam Ross!
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Kenice Mobley! An empty chair!

…also there were a bunch of other comics there and they were all great. Sorry boys on the show, none of you are fabulous enough to make it on my blog…not like you’d want to.

That’s all for now! Tune in next time when I will most likely be wearing something I wore to a BBQ, before it gets covered in ketchup and beer.

Cheers!
Christa

 

 

Something’s Fishy: The Cony Island Mermaid Parade!

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The Cony Island Mermaid Parade. It was pretty much invented for me. Ok, it had nothing to do with me but it combines all the things I like into one thing: making stuff, wearing ridiculous costumes, performing, being covered in sparkles & of course, mermaids. Yes, I am a child, an no, I don’t care and also shut up.

The parade happens every year in Cony Island, Brooklyn. It’s a crazy bohemian art parade in celebration of ‘Fuck it. Let’s have a parade.’  (AKA a celebration of art and culture and rituals of the seaside, according to the website.) Everyone wears insanely elaborate mermaid/nautical themed costumes they make themselves, pasties and body paint abounds and we all just have a grand old time marching around Cony Island.

I liked the parade so much I wrote a separate piece about it for UnSceneComedy.com detailing the experience itself. For fashion blog purposes, I’m just going over how I put together my costume.

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Now, right off the bat, I’d like to point out that I am not a costume designer, and many of the people at the parade actually are, so while I think I did a great job for my first try, what I did was not even close to the coolness you’ll actually see there. I didn’t want to do anything too crazy because I didn’t really know what to expect, so I just went as a traditional mermaid if that mermaid was perhaps, going to Coachella.

 

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For the top, I bought a nude strapless bra from Primark. This particular bra had the added bonus of having a clear plastic back strap, which is damn near impossible to find but works great if you don’t want anyone to see you just bought a cheap bra and covered it up with a bunch of shit you bought at the floral department at Micheal’s, which is exactly what I did.

 

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Julius helped keep me in check by making sure I wasn’t making progress too quickly.

 

Since I figured everyone would be wearing shells, I decided to go for a bunch of stuff that looked like coral and seaweed. I had to cut everything down to fit the bra and hot glued/sewed everything on to it. I might have gotten away with just using hot glue, but I wanted to reinforce everything so that it would get through a full day of marching.

On the sides of the bra, I sewed on some big iridescent sequins overlapping each other to resemble fish scales. After that I added some strings of peals of a couple of different sizes and added whatever that metal star embellishment thing is to the middle. I have no idea what it’s actually used for. I bought for 50¢ in a vintage store and its not really a pendant or bead or tie tack. It took a billion years but I finally found a use for it.

 

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I made the flower crown out of an old headband and some more floral stuff. I started out with hot glue, but ended using tacky glue for the part with the flowers on it because the gold stuff was in danger of melting. I was able to pop the backs of the flowers into the gold coral stuff pretty easily.

Now, for the love of God, someone invite me to a music festival because I desperately want to wear this again.

 

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Behold! The beautiful Cony Island Parking lot! Also my bro.

 

I can sew (kind of) but sewing anything spandex is a giant pain in the ass, so I opted to buy my mermaid skirt. There are a bunch of different places that sell them on Etsy and they come in a rainbow of colors. I got my skirt in particular from Coquetry Clothing. Everything they do is made to order, has custom sizing, is made well and came quickly. I’d highly recommend them for any of your mermaid tail needs.

 

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The fun face gems I’m wearing are a combination of gems I got at Primark and crystals I got at a craft store. Some of these had adhesive on them, but if that isn’t the case, the best way to get this stuff to stick is by using eyelash glue. I’m also wearing teal clip in hair extensions. They are okay but not amazing. They don’t look super realistic but they worked for my purposes. I probably should have worn two sets.

I think next time I’d go for a regular wig, but these extensions got the job done and they we’re only around $5. You can buy these them on Amazon but be prepared to wait about a month for them. They came factory direct from China.

I also threw a few random fishtail and regular braids in my hair, wove a few sea shells into them and put in an extra string of pearls.

I used roughly 5 different colors for my eyeshadow and just kind of went with it. It still didn’t turn out as bright as I wanted it to. I just used stuff I had lying around but in the future it would be best to use either highly pigmented eyeshadow, like something from Melt Cosmetics or straight up costume makeup.

 

Dear Instagam user @rosaliezack: Thanks for the sweet photo, I promise you I am making absolutely no money off of this.
Dear Instagram user @rosaliezack: Thanks for the sweet photo, I promise you I am making absolutely no money off of this.

 

I had a great time putting together the costume and even more fun at the parade. Also, somehow, miraculously I did not get sunburned. My foundation has sunscreen in it, I wore regular sunscreen over everywhere else and I carried around a parasol, as one does. It’s a lot of time in the sun so be prepared. In fact, to close things out here are…

A Few Tips

  • Go big or go home! The costume you’re wearing has to be seen from afar so the crazier, brighter and bolder the better. I think I spent too much time on small details and not enough on overall pop, which is really what sets people apart.
  • Wear comfortable shoes. Seriously, marching or no, you’ll be doing a lot of walking and no one’s looking at your feet anyway. They are looking at your tits.
  • Prepare to be photographed. Seriously, the place is absolutely MOBBED with photographers of all skill levels and all degrees of creepiness. If you’re uncomfortable with it, don’t go.
  • You have to be cool with a lot of (mostly) naked people. Think body paint and pasties. You know, equal opportunity, artsy nudity but nothing too extreme. If you’re uncomfortable with it, this probably isn’t the place for you.
  • Wear sunscreen. I know its annoying but so is looking like a lobster the day AFTER the parade.
  • Get there early. The parade starts at 1pm but people get there much earlier, especially if they are marching and haven’t preregistered.

 

Interested in seeing more crazy pics from the parade? Go here or check out the Mermaid Parade’s Facebook page!

Tiki-tastic!

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Summer is here! Finally! I’m a big fan of tiki and Hawaiian pieces but they look a little ridiculous in the middle of winter, so I’m super stoked to bust them out after all this time. I wore this dress out for a night of margaritas with my manfriend. I suppose a pina coladas would have been more appropriate but umm have you every tried to drink more than one of them without getting brain freeze all night long? I dare say, you have not.

Anyway, I never really wear long dresses to perform, because, I dunno, it feels weird? Either way, I love this outfit so I figured it was worth documenting since occasionally I make it a point to act like a normal person. (As close as I can get to that anyway. )

 

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I got the dress from one of my favorite online reatilor’s, Plasticland. They have a lot of fun punky, gothy, vintage inspired and pinup type stuff. I also bought some dishtowels there. And this funky octopus pillow. And this vest with an octupus man on it. And then I had to unsubscribe from their email list because I kept buying stuff. You’ve been warned.

I got the flower clip from a little jewelry/accessories store in Provincetown, MA. The earrings are another bargain bin find from SoGood Jewelry, which unfortunately has closed. Boooo! The little pearly bracelet is from Lou Lou in Downtown Crossing and the teal green bracelet is from Micheal’s. Yes, the craft store. They have jewelry there for some reason and every and once and awhile it goes on crazy sale…probably because no one goes to Micheal’s for jewelry.

 

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This dress has a bunch of holes in it…in a good way.

 

I decided to have some fun with my nails because I found little desert nail stickers. I pretty much had to. These were only $1.50 from Primark. Primark stores are only in Boston right now, but you can buy nail stickers all over the place. I’ve gotten them at a bunch of drug stores and you can even find them at TJ Maxx sometimes.

 

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Application is pretty easy. Just paint your nails whatever color you want, wait for them to dry, (seriously, I kinda jumped the gun a bit on mine) and seal with a top coat. Then wish for an actual cupcake, because a nail cupcake is a pale shadow of what you actually want. Then put on some chocolate flavored lipgloss and pretend it doesn’t bother you. (It does.)

 

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I don’t particularly care if it doesn’t really match my outfit. It was worth it.

That’s all for now, but summer’s just beginning, so they’ll be much more Tiki inspired stuff where that came from! Also, we can still say Tiki, right? Is Tiki racist? It seems racist. Are you mad? I hope you’re not mad. Please don’t hate me.

ANYWAY! SUMMER! WOO!….also…

My lady-focused comedy show, Broad Appeal is BACK June 15th with headliner Alison Klemp!

Arts at the Armory in Somerville, MA.
7:30pm
$5 suggested donation

Get tix here:

Eventbrite - Broad Appeal Comedy Night

Ballerinas, BBQs and Porchfest!

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Comedy. It’s weird. One day you’re playing 1,200 seat theatre for a cheering crowd and the next day you are doing a show in the middle of nowhere for 12 people who clearly hate you. Then some other times, on the even weirder days, you do a set in the back of a Uhaul truck or on someone’s porch in the middle of the day. I have, in fact, done all of these things but, as the season dictates, I will talk about porches. More specifically comedy at Porchfest.

Once a year in Somerville, MA (and many other cities) artsy drunk people gather in the middle of the day to play music on their porches. Lots of local bands take part and the entire town becomes a big loud, fun, drunk mess. People just kind of wander around all day going house to house, sampling the various bands and trying to steal beer that they didn’t buy and hope no one notices. It’s pretty much the best.

 

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Me, Jordan Handren Seavey and Sean Clark, doing porch comedy. Awesome kitty cat that walked into the house in the middle of someone’s set, not pictured.

 

This year, a few comedians set up a comedy stage at Porchfest (Thanks Dennis!). Shouting comedy into the ether in the middle of the day with kids around isn’t exactly easy, BUT it was fun. I helped put together a comedy stage at a depression themed street festival a few months ago, so performing outside in the middle of the day wasn’t new for me. (And yes, a depression themed street festival. It was called the Pity Party and it was amazing. So amazing, that when conservative news outlets got wind of it they assumed it was a Hillary Clinton rally…because that makes sense. Right? Wait, no it doesn’t.)

 

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Hey remember when the whole Donald Trump thing seemed like a joke? We’ve got a reason to be depressed. (Me at the Pity Party)

Anyway, to celebrate that it was actually nice out and also fuck it, I decided to wear a crop top and a ballerina skirt to the show. I’m a big fan of crop tops paired with high waisted skirts/pants because I’m confident in showing a little bit of my torso, but only like the 3 inches directly below my boobs. (Fun fact: This is also the narrowest part of your body, which is why I’m not completely terrified of it in the first place.)

I’m not gonna lie to you guys. I got that top at Marshall’s. NO REGRETS. I got the skirt at Francesca’s while I was waiting to perform at the Albany Funny Bone (all Funny Bone clubs are in malls for some reason) and spent my entire paycheck before I went onstage. C’est la vie!

 

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I got the earrings from a cool little health food store in Porter Square that also has jewelry for some reason. The earrings are made by Green Tree Jewelry. I’ve actually got a few pairs of these. They are super light weight, look awesome and also something about the environment. I dunno, trees? Also, the wood is lazer cut, which is cool because, SCIENCE.

I’m a big fan of the wedge shoes I’m wearing. I’m a huge baby when it comes to heels or any tall shoes, so I only buy stuff that is super comfortable. It’s damn near impossible to get cute shoes you can actually walk in, but I liked these shoes so much I bought them in 2 colors. They are by BOC and are awesome if you want to be tall but also don’t like slowly rubbing all your skin off of your feet until you become some kind of skeleton-person.

 

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Sure it looks like an artistic shot, but really I’m just waiting for the bathroom. Thanks Phoebe!

And that’s it! After my set we proceeded to get drunk and eat cheeseburgers, to kick off an entire season of getting drunk and eating cheeseburgers. Happy Summer! (FINALLY!)

<3

Christa

Polka Dotting the Globe (or at least the Northeast)

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Everyone now and again comedy smiles upon me and I get to travel a whole bunch. A little while ago I got the opportunity to take 3 busses in 4 days! (…And also did some shows.) Traveling for comedy in SUPER glamorous. The Megabus is great for cheap travel and doesn’t even smell that much like a public toilet. This, I imagine, is THE DREAM.

First I stopped off at the Shaskeen in New Hampshire, which is a killer comedy room/concert space.

The Shaskeen is also the only comedy venue that has a mirror clean enough to take a decent selfie in.
The Shaskeen is also the only comedy venue that has a mirror clean enough to take a decent selfie in.

The next day I was off to do the FunnyBone in Albany to a packed house at the Chicks Are Funny Show. FunnyBone clubs are always in malls, so I had time to wander around for awhile and discovered that Spencer’s Gifts is still, in fact, a thing. Back in college I used to work at a Spencer’s, and to date is the only job I straight up just stopped going to. There’s only so much patrolling the sex toy section for shoplifters one person can take.

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Comedy!

After the show I stayed over at my friends’ place, where I slept on a temprapedic mattress and met their baby, in that order. (Thanks Graham & Lauren!) Both we life changing events for me.

The next morning I was off to New York again. I had a night off so I went to see Magic Man in Brooklyn with my brother.

In which I accidentally took a really good photo of the show.
In which I accidentally took a pretty good photo of the show.
...and then we got real drunk and I wore purple lipstick.
…and then we got real drunk and I wore purple lipstick.

The next day I had a show uptown so we went to the Natural History Museum for the last hour (which is free-hell yeah!) and then I wandered around Times Square until my show. (Side note: Time Square is a terrible place and no one should ever go there, unless you are intent on giving yourself seizures and an aneurysm at the same time.)

I met this kitty.

The show was a killer bar show in Inwood called the Dope Show. One of my comedy buddies from Boston who lives in NY now even stopped by to say hi. Hell yes.

The next day I headed back to Boston for the Comedy Studio 20th Anniversary Show. The Studio and Rick Jenkins gave me my start and it was an honor to perform on such a special show. The show was a ton of fun and afterwards THERE WAS CAKE. A great night all around!

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The dress I’m wearing is what I wore to the anniversary show at The Studio. I felt it was appropriate to go with something fancy for the special occasion. I got the dress at an awesome little boutique in Salem MA, called Modern Mille. They sell a ton of amazing vintage and vintage inspired clothing. (The dress itself is by Hell Bunny.)

The purse is an adorably ridiculous cartoon purse, which is design to look like, you guessed it, a cartoon. I first heard of these in a silly Buzzfeed article (I think) and although they sometimes retail for $60+ I managed to get mine off of Amazon for about $12. While they are relatively flat, you can actually get a lot more stuff in there then you might think. Definitely worth what I paid for it.

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Dress detail/nifty new-old 1950’s table I just got. All my dreams are coming true!

The earrings I got from So Good Jewelry for about 50 cents. The necklace is a fun little piece of costume jewelry that I got as a gift. Just because I’ll never afford diamonds doesn’t mean that I won’t pretend that I can. Also, lets be realistic here, super expensive jewelry basically makes you a moving target and I’d rather not wind up dead for some rocks. So really, I’m not wearing anything expensive…for safety purposes. Yeah. That’s it.

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The Comedy Studio 20th Anniversary after party, cake, and several comics (including myself) looking possessed!

After the show I fell over dead from exhaustion because I had to work the next day and I am writing this from BEYOND THE GRAAAAAVE!

(Ok maybe not, but the reason my hair is different in this photo is because I took the actual dress photos a few days later. After the anniversary show I was so wrecked I put on my pjs and immediately passed out.)

The dream you guys, I am…certainly doing something? Fuck it. It was fun.

Cheers everyone!

 

….and just for the hell of it, this is how I take my detail photos.

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Julius the cat: Hinderer of progress, destroyer of worlds.

Overdressed for Easter Great Gatsby Style

Posing in my parents backyard, with the sun directly in my face, trying not to feel awkward.

Ahh Easter, one of my favorite holidays that no one ever gets a day off for. Every year despite how cold it is, I wear something light and cute because if I wear springy clothes I hope it’ll will nice weather into existence. It usually doesn’t work but this year it was actually gorgeous out. It was then immediately followed by a random week of snow. Alas!

I went home for Easter this year to visit my parents in lovely Western NY. I love Western NY because all of my high school friends left so I have virtually no social obligations aside from sitting around and getting drunk with family and neighbors. I’m usually super busy so I like being forced to slow down a bit.

 

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Anyway, I’m a big fan of the dress I’m wearing and I’ve been wanting one like if for some time. I love the 1920s and flapper style dresses, so this was right up my alley. Oddly enough, it’s actually very heavy, (but not uncomfortably so) because of the beading. It’s a little like wearing a suit of armor, but like a really pretty suit of armor.

The handbag I have is actually a vintage piece from the 60s-70s. It was my mom’s. She kept a lot of her old clothes/jewelry etc. (my favorite coat in the world is hers) so every now and again I’ll ‘go shopping’ in the basement closet. Lots of good stuff in there! My mom is a classy lady.

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In my parents dining room, feeling awkward, trying to explain what a fashion blog is.

I got the shall thing I’m wearing from Buffalo Exchange, a consignment shop chain. You won’t really save any money there but they’ve got some great pieces.

The necklace I’m wearing is from Nervous System. It’s one of my favorite pieces, pretty much ever. Nervous System is an amazing design studio out of Somerville, MA, that bases all their work off of biological elements. (I think my necklace is based off of a neuron.) Along with jewelry, they do lighting, puzzles and some of their pieces are 3D printed. Fancy!

Oddly enough, the shoes I’m wearing are actually from my senior prom, like 1,000 years ago. Somehow they managed to survive for quite some time, they still look nice and are pretty comfortable, so why not? Also, they are probably the classiest clear heals you’ll ever see.

 

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…and last but not least, lacy nail stickers from Essie! I love nail stickers because they are super quick to apply, look amazing and you can go right back to your normal routine immediately after putting them on. I have a nasty habit of smudging my nail polish pretty much right away, because I can’t sit still long enough for them to dry, so these work great for me.

As a side note, I didn’t get a great detail photo of my hair, but I did it based off of a style in The Art of Hair: The Ultimate DIY Guide to Braids, Buns, Curls And More, by Rubi Jones. It took a little practice but its actually pretty easy as long as you have enough gel and hair pins. I highly recommend the book. It demystified a lot of hair styling technique for me, since this is the first time I’ve worn my hair long in years.

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Action shot at Savoia’s!

After all that primping, Easter was super fun. The Saturday before we always go to my favorite bakery in my hometown, Savoia’s and buy damn near everything. The next we go to a fancy-smacy brunch. Then we all end of falling asleep when we get home, because there is only so much you can eat before going comatose.

That’s all for now! And no worries, more comedy related posts to come!

<3 Christa

Sometimes I Feel Like A Wizard

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I love this dress because it makes me feel like a fancy wizard. It’s not something I’d usually wear onstage because, for whatever reason, I hate the idea of wearing long dresses while performing. I love dressing up, but a long dress always feels too formal to me on stage.

I wore this baby out a few times to dinner, while impersonating a normal human being. Its one of my new favorites. It’s got a classy, but not too garish 70’s vibe that I like. Again this another thing from the H&M designer collection that I had been stalking for awhile, until it finally went on sale. It was actually craaaaaaazy long (I tried it on with 6 inch stilettos and it was STILL too long,) so I had to hem it myself. I’m not a master seamstress but if I really like something and it only requires a minor alteration I can usually take care of it myself.

 

Me, being a person.
Me, being a person. (…with a weird light on my face.)

That night we ended up going to an upscale ‘German’ restaurant. I put German in quotation marks because I am German…and oh man…they got everything like….soooo wrong. I always thought those negative Yelp reviews from say, a Japanese person of a Japanese restaurant I liked were weird and kind of a drag until I was the one who’s ethnic dishes were being made completely incorrectly.

COME ON BRONWYN! THAT’S NOT EVEN CLOSE TO SPATZLE! AND YOU’RE PRONOUNCING IT WRONG! AND SINCE WHEN DOES A ‘BEER HALL’ TAKE RESERVATIONS?

Ooof sorry about that. Upscale versions of things that were already good to being with don’t usually sit well with me. AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON POUTINE.

 

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Anyway, I got the earrings from an awesome little chain boutique called Francesca’s. I love how they are fancy but are a little irregular so they look handmade. I got the ring at a renaissance festival, because again, nerd and I inherited the bracelet from my grandmother, who found it in an apartment she used to rent out. We’re not a family of scavengers but we know what to keep when we find something good. I’ve found more that one expensive piece of jewelry completely by chance. I’ve also lost some that way, but I was never too mad about it, because I feel like they just returned to the ether.

 

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It’s maaaaaaaajic!

I think I nailed my makeup and hair with this one. My hair isn’t naturally wavy, so in order to get it this way I wash my hair in the morning, dry it a bit, put a bunch of gel in it, and do a side french braid. Then I hairspray the crap out of it. I’ll wear it that way all day so when I come home I can take out the braid and end up with some cool waves. I put a couple of big Japanese bobby pins at the base of my neck to may sure my hair stays to one side and spray it again. That’s it!

 

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The lipstick is a fun color from Birchbox’s LOC collection called Glamlife. I’m a big fan of the LOC line (they also have some great cream eyeshadow) so I’d highly recommend either. The blush I’m using is called Hot Mamma by the Balm. I wear this blush with pretty much everything but I feel like it looks particularly good with this. It a great shimmery, goldish blush that’s not too pink. Good stuff!

That’s all for now! Up next, probably something I wore for Easter…if I feel like it!

<3
Christa

In A World Where Half the People on Instagram Are Convinced They Are Mermaids…I Am Also A Mermaid

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Mermaids, you guys. I love them, like kind of a lot. I’ve been into them since I was a little kid, probably because I brainwashed myself by watching The Little Mermaid every single day from ages 6-8 years old. It’s also probably why I dye my hear red. I’m lucky I didn’t have any weird trauma like being attacked by a birthday clown or something or my little sponge brain might have developed a creepy balloon fetish years later.

I digress. Despite the undeniable fact that mermaids are awesome, for some reason I’m totally annoyed by all those chicks on Instagram that seemed to have convinced themselves they are mermaids, mostly because I am:

  1. Jealous I can’t afford a mermaid tail to swim around in…
  2. Jealous I can’t afford to throw $500+ at a photographer to take photos of myself dressed as a mermaid and…
  3. Jealous there are people capable of abandoning adulthood long enough to do either of these things. I love the idea of it…but I just…FUCK, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS LIKE 6 YEARS OLD? GO TO GRAD SCHOOL OR SOMETHING.

 

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I have strong opinions on mermaids you guys. Anyway, I got this t-shirt dress in Provincetown in Cape Cod, MA. I’ve always loved Provincetown, because in addition to being in an awesome vacation spot, it’s also just super artsy, silly, weird and full of drag queens that dress better than I do. This dress is from the Tim Scapes store. Tim Scapes in an awesome graphic artist that bases his designs on art made with duct tape. I love his stuff. It’s super fun, bold and graphic.

With this particular design and many others, Tim donates part of money to charity. The donation for mine went to breast cancer research, hence the adorable titties. lol.

 

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Teehee!

The earrings and bracelets are all jewelry I got on sale at crazy deep discount from a few different places. I think in total, everything there cost $2. The spoon ring I’ve had since I was in 8th grade. My friend traded rings with me, she lost mine and let me keep hers. Mine was just a stupid hematite thing, so I think I got the good end of the bargain. The ring is made from a real silver spoon and you can actually see the pattern label on the inside. It’s called wedding bells. I haven’t talked to that girl in over 10 years, but Ashley, if you’re reading this, no, you can’t have your ring back.

I got the denim jacket from Buffalo Exchange in Davis Square. It’s a chain of killer consignment shops that are all over the country. I always find great pieces there. I also sold a few pieces there, and the best part about it is they don’t make you jump through hoops to get paid. You don’t need to make an appointment and they just hand you the cash right there, which damn near impossible to do at other consignment shops.

(As a side note: At a different consignment shop I sold clothing to, it took me roughly 6 months to make $8. They owed me $12 but one of the pieces I sold was ‘bought in a different quarter,’ so I would have had to wait ANOTHER 4 months to get $4. I wanted to make sure to collect it out of spite…but uhh…I forgot. I’m assuming this is the way they make most of their money which is BULLSHIT.) 

 

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One of my other favorite stores in P-town is called Marine Specialties. It’s weird and dark and kind of smells like fish but you can dig up some super cool stuff in there. I’ve gotten some designer clothing there and an old wine decanter used in the Hungarian army. It’s the best.

 

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Awesome lady comics Tooky Kavanagh, Kenice Mobley, Phoebe Angle & Me!

You can tell I really like this outfit because I wear it all the damn time. As evidenced by the length of my hair in these photos, I’ve had this outfit for a little while. But not too long, because oddly enough my hair grows freakishly fast. It’s kind of like the worst super power ever.

The photo above is from a promotion shoot thing we did for a lady comedy show I was on. Once again, one of my besties and awesome comic, Phoebe Angle is here. The show was at a campground in Salem and we all jammed into her little red convertible to get there. Comedy is weird sometimes.

 

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RIP Storytelling at Phoenix Landing

 

This photo is from a fun storytelling show in Cambridge. They moved it to a different venue since this pic was taken but I love the old venue becuause playing there made me feel like I was cool enough to be in a band.

As the old saying goes, all comedians want to be musicians and all musicians want to be comedians. Okay, it might not be that old, but it’s definitely true.

That’s all for now! Maybe somedays I’ll get around to explaining those cowboy boots.