Life is a Waking Nightmare But I’ve Got a Sweet Outfit, So There’s That

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At long last! I’m back! And now that He Who Shall Not Be Named is president, I feel like I’m living inside a waking nightmare. I recently went through a breakup as well so I’m dating again, so I mean like, SUPER nightmarish. Like hell beasts and shit. I digress.

Any Valentine’s Day I’m by myself I always make the best of it. Why? Because, FUCK IT is why. I bought this skirt at Modcloth that day because a little retail therapy is all a lady needs. AMIRIGHT LADIES? (No. No, I am not. Shopping won’t fix your problems, BUT it will give you a small dopamine hit and I’m out of Xanex. We’re all just doing the best we can.)

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I got the earrings from Modcloth as well because kittens are adorable and I’m kind of a cat person. And no, I will never own more than one, because that would upgrade me to cat LADY and we all know what that means. It means I will have more than one cat.

The top is from Primark. As of late I have become incapable of buying a complete shirt. I don’t mind this, but it does sometimes get cold.

 

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Anyway, I wore this particular outfit to a comedy storytelling show about dating, which is a thing I have to do now. You kids ever heard of The Tinder? Eeep.

 

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#resist

 

Also, speaking of hell beasts, I went to that lady march in January, to protest President Hell Beast, with my friend and fellow comic Mariel Cabral. We made some badass signs. We did not have hats BUT I donated the proceeds of my last Broad Appeal show to RAINN, out of spite. Also because RAINN is great. You should give them money. Or the ACLU or any cool charity, or call your government officials or ya know, whatever Facebook tells you to do.

 

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#okaythatlastresistwaskindoftongueincheekbutyoushouldtotallyresistforreal

 

That’s all for now! Hopefully next time we’ll all be less terrified. But, probably not.

 

Want to support EVEN MORE lady comedy (and also some dudes?) Check out Broad Appeal Comedy Night, hosted by Yours Truly! Friday March 10th at Arts at the Armory in Somerville, MA!

Get tix here:

Eventbrite - Broad Appeal Comedy Night!

I don’t want to spend my best dressed day in a casket*

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Holy crap you guys! It’s the one year anniversary of me not posting things within a relevant timeframe! …I mean it’s the one year anniversary of Stylish for a Standup! Hooray!

This of course, is what I wore on New Year’s Eve and to date, is the warmest dress I’ve ever worn on said occasion. I’ve had more than one New Years waiting for a cab at 2am while freezing my ass off and I will no longer stand for it. (Actually, I probably will, I just really liked this dress. Heh.)

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Normally, I wouldn’t have gone for something like this, because the dress itself was a little expensive BUT Modcloth happened to have a 40% off everything sale right before Christmas and I had been eyeing this baby for awhile. I took the opportunity and I’m glad I did…because, you guys…THIS DRESS HAS FUCKING POCKETS. HOLY SHIT!

 

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Pockets, a thing fashion designers have deemed not necessary for women. Oh sure, sometimes they will tease you a bit and give you pockets that are too tiny to use, or just straight up fake, but these are honest to god, usable pockets that you can put, you know…stuff in. Amazing!

Another thing I liked about this dress is that it came with a really nice crinoline petticoat built into it, so it gave the dress a nice bit of volume without being too puffy.

 

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Costume jewelry! (Ring from Meowington’s, bracelet from Macy’s, earrings from So Good.)

 

The only thing that I didn’t like about this dress was it was a bit too long. I’m about average height (5’5) and wore about 2-3 inch heels with it and it was still too long.

A lot of high fashion stuff is usually designed to be worn with crazy high heels. I have a pair of amazing super high heels that I’ve worn exactly once because I like not having a broken ankle more than I like wearing high heels. I understand this is a struggle for people, but not for me. Just make your shit shorter, fashion designers. I don’t want to be in pain all night and I like being able to break out into a run at a moments notice.

 

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I did my hair basically the same as last New Year’s Eve. Why? Because this particular updo takes some time to pull off, and it’s the one day a year where I’m willing to spend 2 plus hours on my hair. I also thought the funky side roll thing went pretty well with the vintage feel of the dress. I got the idea to do this from The Art of Hair: The Ultimate DIY Guide to Braids, Buns, Curls And More  by Rubi Jones which gives you pretty straight forward instructions on how to pull it off. Fun fact: I used chopsticks to roll my hair like that and it worked great. (Note: clean chopsticks first.)

I also did glitter roots again because its fun and super easy to do. Just add a bunch of glitter to hair gel, mix it up, then paint it on with a hair dye brush. I got excited and did an extra glitter streak, which didn’t look as good as I wanted it to but that’s what I get for experimenting.

 

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As you can see my nails were a miserable failure that could have easily been avoided. I added adhesive nail jewels on top of silver nail polish. Supposedly they were reusable and specifically said not to put a topcoat on. Against my better judgement I didn’t. The little nails jewels proceed to catch on everything, including my hair, scarf and anything remotely fuzzy or textured so by the end of the night most of the jewels were missing/covered in fuzz. Gross.

 

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The next day I resurrected my nails a bit by adding some glitter polish and a topcoat. This worked much better. If you happen upon these particular nail stickers, they work great, as long as you ignore the directions and don’t expect to use them again.

 

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Over all the night was great. Per usual I spent it celebrating at the Comedy Studio with a bunch of my friends. Also as usual I don’t really have too many photos from this because I was too busy having fun. But here’s one of me and my friend/lady comic Mariel Cabral backstage, before we got too drunk to look cute.

 

I have taken more pictures inside this closet than I have in my own house.
I have taken more pictures inside this closet than I have in my own house.

So, happy 2017 everyone! Hopefully things won’t be too terrible. And when in doubt…BUY A DRESS WITH POCKETS!

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*Line from Long Live the Cheif by Jidenna, who I am currently in love with, for a number of reasons that are probably obvious.

The Hills Are Alive! (with the sound of me wearing an Alps dress)

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It’s that time of year again! Chrismahannakwanzakah! The holiday season is one of my favorite times of year. Everyone is generally in a good mood, and you get lots of excuses to get drunk and be sparky. It’s the best.

I wore this outfit to a Holiday party over the weekend. I’ve been dying to wear it for quite some time. I actually found a skirt version of this dress at Modern Millie, while I was visiting Salem. I fell in love with it immediately because I’m German, and this dress is as German as you can get without wearing a dirndl. (Ya know, that dress with the tits that beer wenches wear.) They didn’t have my size, so I looked up the designer (Lindy Bop) and found out that they had not only one dress version, but 2! Yeha!

 

Sweet Jesus! What do I do? (via Lindybop.co.uk)
Sweet Jesus! What do I do? (via Lindybop.co.uk)

 

At this point I should point out that Lindy Bop is a British company (hence the pound signs) but, I directed you to the US site. It’s a fantastic company that produces many vintage style dresses for a great price, and like Modcloth, has stuff in many different sizes. (Their stuff goes from XXS-6XL. So everyone’s included. High five!)

 

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As you can probably tell it took me FOREVER to figure out which version of this I actually wanted but I think my choice was solid. The little jacket it came with definitely sold it for me.

 

Obligatory bathroom selfie.

 

Since this was not my first cutesy 50’s dress, I decided to invest in a petticoat. Holy crap you guys, I want to wear one, like every damn day. I didn’t go for an expensive one on the Lindy Bop site. You can find petticoats on Amazon for around $10-$15 in every color of the rainbow.

 

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All my childhood dreams are coming true!

 

I wasn’t initially planning on wearing gloves with this outfit, but I dug them up accidentally and thought they’d work perfectly with it. (Full disclosure, they were part of an old Cruella de Vil halloween costume. Heh.)

 

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I’m not gonna lie to you, I was doing this all night long.

 

Then, we partied! And yes, it was the best.

 

….And since is also comedy blog, here’s my Mrs. Claus costume for a sketch I was in at the world famous Comedy Studio Holiday Show!

 

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Obligatory bathroom selfie.

 

I bought exactly zero things for this costume. I used another one of my 50’s dresses, a wig from an old Halloween costume, Christmas socks with fur tops and a Santa hat I’ve had forever. Voila!

 

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I played a lonely Mrs. Claus, writing letters to a death row inmate, played by fellow stand up comic Ryan Shea.

 

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Shit got weird.

AND THEN WE ALL GOT DRUNK <3

Merry/Happy Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Winter Solstice/Whatever!

 

If You Say I Look Like That Frozen Chick I Will Smash You

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Oh boy, things have gotten costume-y as of late, but I promise you, dear reader(s?), I do, on occasion wear normal person clothing. NOT TODAY THOUGH!

I wasn’t actually planing on doing a post about this, but since it’s holiday appropriate I felt like I should go for it. I made/assembled this costume for a musical number from Grease 2 I was doing as part of Laughter Risk, a late night comedy variety show at Improv Boston. And yes, there was a Grease 2. As a person who performed in Grease in high school, I was surprised as well.

 

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The song we did was ‘Girl for all Seasons’ which called for a) girls and b) seasons. We had mostly girls and all of the seasons so we pretty much nailed it. Each of us in the number represented a month. I was, obviously I hope, the month of January, so I figured I’d go full on snow queen.

 

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This costume doesn’t exactly scream ‘JULY!’

 

The dress is something I wore for New Years Eve awhile ago. After 3 long years I finally found the right bra to wear with it. Clearly, ladies evening wear is only meant for 12 year old boys, which I find rather confusing.

I digress. I found some cheap snowflake ornaments at Micheal’s and safety pinned them to the dress in random spots. I also used a wig from an old Halloween costume (Daenerys! The Mother of Dragons!), wore a bunch of blueish makeup and once again brought back that super light foundation I used for my Marie Antionette costume.

 

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Showbiz! It’s crowded.

 

Lastly, and of course the thing I spent the most time on, was the crown. Could I have gotten away with no crown at all? Probably…but come on you guys, I can never resist a making good crown.

First I cannibalized an old headband. I pulled the old flowers off of it and wrapped it with blue ribbon, held in place by tacky glue. Then, I bought a bunch of wintery floral stuff that was on crazy discount, because a month before Christmas, everything is already almost gone and on clearance. I don’t pretend to understand the world, I just let it work for me.

 

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I stripped off the ribbony stuff that held everything in a single bunch off the white branches so I could use individual branches. Then I wrapped/hot glued the wire parts around the headband. I stripped the blue sparkly thing apart as well and glued them directly to the branch things. To finish it up I hot glued/wrapped the big white flowers around the headband and BAM! Winter flower crown.

 

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This photo is almost as blurry as everyone’s memory of Grease 2.

 

Admittedly, I feel like I could have done a little better on it if I had more time, but I pretty much slapped this together over the course of a couple of hours, so I did what I could. I think it looks pretty nice considering the time constraint, but it did end up poking me in the head, kind of a lot.

Hey, if it isn’t at least sort of uncomfortable, it’s not really a costume.

Over all the show was a blast and everyone had a great time putting together their costumes. Also, it turns out Grease 2 has a hot British guy in it, so hey, give it a chance.

Until next time!

<3 Christa

Dr. Christa’s Old Time Rock ‘n Roll Taxideritorium!

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Old timely shit you guys. I like it. Like a lot. I’m a big fan of vintage clothing/vintage inspired clothing and mixing old things with the contemporary to create something new and probably confusing to anyone who isn’t me. This is part of the reason why I love the steampunk ascetic. Now, I’m not the type to walk around with goggles and a corset but that’s mostly because I can’t wrap my head around wearing glasses or Spanx for more than 30 seconds. What I love is anything that looks like it has some history and a story behind it.

 

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I was planning to wear this outfit out to a taxidermy convention I went to in New York city while visiting my brother. (Yes, that’s a thing.) It was pretty cold that day, so I ended up wearing something else, but I did take a few fun photos in his sweet old timey house.

 

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Porcupine quill earrings from the taxidermy convention because I want all my jewelry to also be weapons.

 

A few weeks later, I ended up wearing this outfit (with slightly warmer pants, cuz November) to a super fun comedy/storytelling show called Maximum Sleaze at the Riot Theatre in Jamaica Plain. It was a sexy sex themed show and everyone was wearing something a little crazy (cue the fake mustaches and denim cutoffs!) so I thought the lingerie aspect of this outfit would be perfect.

 

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I’ve got kind of a crazy mix of pieces in this outfit. I love shopping in Salem because it has the exact mix of weirdness I like. The bracelet is from Emporium 32, an amazing store that makes all its own steam punk jewelry and accessories. I also picked up the sheer shirt thing there. (The designer is a’reve.)

After that I skipped across the street and grabbed the 1920s turban from Modern Millie, an amazing store that carries a ton of vintage/vintage inspired clothing. The broach, which I inherited from my great aunt, I added myself. (Real vintage! I actually have some!) As a side note my brother hates the turban and told me I was culturally appropriating from cancer patients. I appreciate his honesty.

 

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Sometimes I like my outtakes better than my actual photos.

 

The ring is something I inherited from my grandmother (more real vintage!) and the  gramophone necklace is from Buffalo Exchange, a funky consignment shop chain. Now, I’d like to think the necklace is antique, but who am I kidding, it’s so perfect it’s probably from Urban Outfitters. Those weird plether-y legging pants I’m wearing are from Express, because, why not? (I’m not linking Express. You know where it is.)

Now, rather than explore the finer points of taxidermy (that’s a separate article), here’s a sweet photo from the convention of stuff in jars. I also have photos of a live demonstration but….I’ll spare you of that.

It was a really good time, if it something you have a general interest in. When I was a kid my favorite part of the museum was the stuffed animals and I’m German, so I grew up around a lot of antlers.

 

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The event space was really cool, the only real issue I had was everything REALLY smelled of formaldehyde, which kind of put a damper on things. It’s hard to enjoy your cocktail and the sweet honkey tonk band that was playing when everything smells like death.  (And before anyone freaks out, this particular convention was cruelty free, which means all of the animals there died naturally and weren’t shot for sport. SO KEEP YOUR PANTS ON.)

 

I could post a photo of the live demonstration, but instead you get this weird selfie.
I could post a photo of the live demonstration, but instead you get this weird selfie.

The girls who put together the convention were celebrating the release of their book Stuffed Animals, so if you guys are serious or just curious you can find it here.

I wouldn’t recommend buying it on Kindle, you might get guts all over it.

Next up! Less creepy shit and more holiday cheer! I promise!

Halloween as Marie Antionette: An Epic 18th Century Wigventure

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Oh Halloween! How I love you! Everything about it pretty much my favorite. I love horror, costumes, candy, crafting and of course, not being myself. That is pretty much my favorite part. This year I really wanted to bring it since I was having a Halloween party, and oh my friends, it has been brought.

I decided to be Marie Antionette for Halloween. Every year I see about 1,000 Marie Antionette costumes that seem to cost a lot and look like crap. Usually they are about half a costume with a crazy short skirt, which gets points for sexiness but just kind of looks like you are wearing half a dress. I’m all for sexiness and weirdness if it’s done right, but mostly it just looks cheap.

I scoured the internet tirelessly and did a little bit research about Marie Antionette and came up with what you see here. It was super fun but also took a ton of work, research, a couple of makeup tutorials and a bunch of sewing. Was it worth it? ABSOLUTELY!

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My initial goal was to go with the cheapest version of the best thing I could find, and just kind of make repairs, which worked pretty well, but oh man did I make repairs.

I got my dress from Victorian Choice. It’s a historical/reenactment clothing store out of Washington state. It might have been a bit pricy for a Halloween costume, but it was roughly as expensive as a ‘premium’ halloween costume from a regular Halloween costume store and looked much better.

Usually, reenactment costumes go for hundreds of dollars (I even saw some Marie Antionette dresses that were in the thousands,) but this stuff stays roughly in the $100-$150 range, which is much more doable. That being said there were a few drawbacks, mainly being that it didn’t fit that well. The fabric itself was good quality, but you really need someone’s specific measurements to get everything to fit correctly.

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I went with a medium dress, but probably should have gotten a small. I ended up moving the buttons over and putting a large dart in the back to make the top smaller. I also moved the bow because it seemed like it was up too high and took out the lace on the neckline. Sure, the lace could have stayed, but this is Halloween and I’ll be damned if I don’t show at least a little bit of skin. I wanted to look like Marie Antoinette, not a nun dressed as Marie Antoinette. I also added the cameo pin to the bow because I had it lying around and cameos were a thing back then.

Now, onto the question I was getting all night. How do you make your dress stay up? The answer? These guys!

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Oh no! You’ve seen my skivvies!

 

They are called panniers and were worn underneath those famous giant Marie Antionette ball gowns. These are kind of a half assed version of the real thing that I bought off of eBay. I bought it off of someone who made historical reenactment costumes. They came late and when I got them they smelled like cigarettes. The fabric of my dress was pretty heavy so they didn’t really hold up the dress that well so I had to stuff them with old throw pillows.

 

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Sorry eBay lady, I ain’t linking you.

In addition to the panniers, I actually wore an old halloween costume with a hoop skirt underneath my dress. The dress itself is deigned to be worn with a floor length hoop skirt, and its super long, so you can’t get away without wearing one. In retrospect, I should have just gone with a full hoop skirt instead of panniers, but I was going for accuracy.

It’s easy to find hoop skirts online pretty cheaply (look at eBay or Amazon) BUT they all come factory direct from China, so you need AT LEAST a month shipping time. You’ve been warned.

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During the French Revolution the upper class loved to powered the crap out of everything, which is why their faces always look so white. For my makeup I bought the lightest foundation I could find and dabbed some white face paint on top of it. I wanted to look pale but not cartoonish. I didn’t do much with my eyes except use a brown eyeliner and a light pink eyeshadow. Then I put on a crapload of creamy blush (Milk Makeup Lip & Cheek in Perk) on and did bright pink lips.

I had the prosthetic scar from an old costume, and I sewed the blue ribbon into it so it looks like my head was stitched back on. I also dabbed it with some fake blood.

There are tons of great makeup tutorials out there for historical and headless person makeup. Here’s one that I found most helpful. It goes through a bunch of makeup history, so it’s a pretty interesting watch.

Now, onto one of my favorite things: WIGS! Again I scoured the internet in attempt to find the perfect wig. Halloween wigs you get in a costume store aren’t usually great quality. Cosplay wigs and wigs from wig stores are usually your best bet and aren’t that much more expensive. I got this baby from Wilshire Wigs in California.

 

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Again, wigs are one of those things that can get incredibly expensive (I saw a few Marie Antionette wigs that cost around $400,) so I bought a mid-priced wig and decorated it myself. The damn thing was huge but the front hair curls were so close together you could barely see my face. I had to cut the thing up and sew it back together to make it fit, but it did work pretty well.

During the French Revolution, hair styles went nothing short of fucking insane. The bigger and taller your hair was the better and it was decorated with all manor of craziness. From birds and butterflies, to bride and groom ornaments, political figures and model ships, people would stick damn near everything in their hair.

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I went the more traditional route and used a bunch of floral stuff, bird Christmas ornaments, hair jewels, pearls and feathers for my wig. I wanted to do more with it but I ran out of time. Fear not! I plan on reusing and redecorating the wig for next year’s Mermaid Parade, (in which I will be Mermaid-Antionette!), so you’ll see it again.

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And there you have it! My costume from start to finish. I had a lot of fun putting it together but there was really a time crunch at the end. There’s some things I would have done differently but over all, I really liked the way it turned out. The party was great (right up until that brownie kicked in) and everyone had a great time (except everyone who ate the brownies.)

A word to the wise though, getting out of this kind of costume is damn near impossible when you’re fucked up.

SPOOOOOOOKY!

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My Best Pleather Pants

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It’s that time of year again! Halloween? No. Autumn? No. The season when you order the one pumpkin spice latte you’ll have all year and then immediately get sneered at by the barista because, ‘How can you get anymore basic, you dumb white girl?’ No! (but also yes!) It is in fact, the time of the year when it becomes relatively comfortable to wear pleather! Hooray! Kinda!

Yes, piggybacking off the only season where wearing a vest seems weather appropriate, the pleather season begins, if anyone calls it that. I’m not a huge fan of the stuff, but I like to bust it out from time to time when I’m doing a show or going to a concert or really want to weird out someone’s parents.

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I love mixing pleather pants with a classy conservative top, because I like the idea of mixing high class with OMG weird punk rock sex party. (And not even a good sex party with leather, like a cheap sex party with plastic on all the couches.) I feel like this is the only way one can accomplish wearing pleather without looking like a complete tool, but hey, I could be wrong.

 

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I wore this outfit to Roast Battle Boston, a roast battle in Boston. What’s a roast battle? It’s a comedy show in which comics write means jokes about each other. Someone wins, and the other one tries not to weep themselves into oblivion.

Sometimes roast battles can be kind of a nightmare if you don’t really know the person or actually don’t like the person. The latter sounds great in theory, but jokes along the lines of ‘You are a garbage human being and I hope you die a painful death,’ are not usually that funny, especially if they are coming your direction.

I roast battled my friend Mike, who I started comedy with, so it was a lot of fun. Also, I WON, which made the night significantly better. Mike did say I looked like Lyle Lovett but the joke’s on him cuz I have no idea who that is and refuse to google it. I have a sneaking suspicion he is very unattractive and was once married to Julia Roberts. But I digress.

I’m completely in love with the shoes I’m wearing. They are cool and old timey looking plus they have a nice heel and are easy to walk in. Definitely a win in my book.

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Shoes fit for THE BEST sepia toned IG filter.

My earrings are one of my favorite pairs. They are made of beetle wings, which yeah is kinda gross but ooooh so awesome. I’d rather be wearing a dead beetle than hanging out with a live one. I got them at Artists and Fleas an incredible art/flea market in in Brooklyn.

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The shirt is from Primark and the pants are from H&M, cuz come you guys, if I was a billionaire, I wouldn’t be wearing pleather in the first place.

That’s all for now! Next up! A very halloweenie Halloween!

Interested in seeing a Roast Battle Boston? Get tix/info here!

I Wear The Black Hat

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At long last! Fall is here and up until recently, it’s been a particularly warm one. I was still feeling a bit beachy, but wanted to embrace the gothiness of fall, which is how this whole outfit happened.

And oh man this hat. This is most certainly a hat. A hat that is most certainly a commitment. I’m not sure if you can tell from the pictures just how gigantic it is, but that’s kind of the point. If you don’t want to be noticed this is not the hat for you. It is also not the hat for you if you happen to walk around in windy places because it will blow off your head, pretty much immediately. That being said, I love the damn thing. I got it in a delightful little store in Martha’s Vineyard that for the life of me I can’t remember the name of. My memory has been blocked by the sheer vastness of this hat.

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At long last! I have the power to block out the sun!

I got the skirt in a Tibetan gift shop, aptly named Tibetan Gift Shop while I was in Chatham, Cape Cod. Everything there is pretty funky and inexpensive, which is the exact opposite of every other store in Chatham. The earrings are from Nomad in Cambridge, MA and the necklace and sandals are from Primark. And yes, the sandals do in fact, have little flamingos all over them. Flamingos were my primary objective during that purchase.

 

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Me, the first time I met my hat. We’ve been in love ever since.

 

Long skirts and giant hats are not my jam when it comes to stuff to wear on stage, so instead I wore this to my friend’s/fellow lady comic Emily Ruskowki’s album recording. She was awesome and hilarious as usual. After the show we all had cake, so really, a win on all counts.

 

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Make sure to keep your eyes open for her album, Nailed It, coming soon to an internet near you! 

Zee Cape!

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Hey you guys! About a month ago I went on vacation. Then I did a comedy festival, was in the middle of a screenwriting class, did a bunch of shows and now, now I have run out of excuses. Summer has certainly happened and I’ve taken a bunch of pictures to prove it. Here’s my adventure on Cape Cod, complete with absolutely no photos of the beach! (Oops!)

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Self-made manicure.

Every year my family rents a house out on Cape Cod and we all invite a few friends to come with us. The Cape is a magical land where I don’t have to do much of anything except eat clam chowder, go to the beach, hang out in Province Town and avoid sharks by avoiding seals. – Shout out to sharks: You guys are great!

I wore this outfit on a trip to Provincetown which is one of my favorite places to find cool stuff. I always end up buying some interesting clothing and accessories when I’m there.

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I always make it a point to stop in Marine Specialties. I’ve been going there since I was a little kid. It was weird old store that smelled like fish and sold old license plates and military surplus and now it’s pretty much the same except there’s more toys and clothing there now and its smells slightly less like fish. My parents hate it and I love it. I love it so much. I might be crazy but I just don’t care. It’s awesome.

I also always hit up Toko, a fantastic, reasonably priced accessories store where I’ve gotten quite a few of my favorite pieces.

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Camouflage! Kind of!

P-Town also has lots of fun street art everywhere…and yeah it’s pretty weird, but like, the awesomist kind of weird.

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I don’t get it but I appreciate the spirit of shitting on some government person, which is what I think this is about.

Also something about shark week. Great whites seem to love the Cape so now there’s this big shark statue in P-Town that you can take a picture of yourself with. I had to kick 10 children and 47 European vacationers to get a photo with this thing alone. Worth it? Naw. I didn’t kick nearly enough children. (Note: No actual children were kicked during the making of this blog post…I just wanted to.)

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During my time at on the Cape we also hit up Keltic Kitchen in Yarmouth. (Cape Cod loves incorrectly using the letter ‘k’ in every since instance they possibly…KAN! HA! I DID IT!) Anyway, it’s pretty much the greatest  breakfast place in the universe, so, with out your consent I bring you: PICTURES OF FOOD!

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LEMON! RICOTTA! BLUEBERRY! PANCAKES!

Ok just one picture, but seriously it’s great. Lots of amazing takes on pancakes and french toast, full Irish breakfast PLUS they make their own bread. Hell yeah.

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Wheeee!

I should probably talk about my outfit now. I’m not gonna lie to you guys, I got this thing at Wet Seal. Am I 16? No. Do I care? No, I can buy alcohol legally now, this is much better. I’m a big fan of crop tops, matching separates and what has been described to me as “boob cage” shirts, and this has all of those things.

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I got the little lemon purse from Primark, which is adorable and beaded and everything ever I’ve wanted in a purse except the for fact that I can barely fit anything in it. This is a purse for someone with a car or a significant other wearing cargo pants. And man, if you are in the cargo pants category…maybe its time to rethink some things.

The pink nail polish I’m wearing is from Essie in Watermelon. The green nail polish is from the Gap in Mint. I got the little nail embellishments from Primark.

And with that, the summer is gone! On to the season of pumpkin spice!

 

Pineapples, Vermont and my thoughts about becoming an expatriate

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Words you guys, and pictures. Man, there are so many words and pictures I’m avoiding putting together right now, I don’t even know what to do. This seems like the easiest combo of words and pictures I need to get finished, so here we are.

I went to Burlington, Vermont for a comedy show this weekend, with my partner in crime/comedy person Phoebe Angle. Oh boy, do I love Burlington. Its like a magical wonderland filled with people who mostly agree with me and also lots of dairy products, beer and greenery. It was pretty amazing.

 

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I dare you to find a more picturesque porch! I DARE YOU!

 

Phoebe’s aunt was nice enough to let us stay with her in her awesome log cabin a half hour outside of Burlington. It was wedged between a bobcat preserve and a bunch of farmland. It’s totally the type I’ve place I’d love to live someday, if I could ever pull my shit together, which I won’t.

I also found it slightly terrifying because it was so remote. I watch too many shitty horror movies. I’m well aware that it’s far more likely for me to be killed in a random mugging in the city than by a monster/ghost/serial killer in the middle of nowhere but that’s not going to make me stop being terrified when the only thing I can hear is crickets and silence and not constant construction, traffic and people yelling at each other for no reason. I might not thrive on chaos but I certainly am used to it.

 

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I probably should have taken my photo in front of this mural, but I didn’t. We all have our regrets.

 

During the day we traipsed around Burlington. Mostly, this consisted of buying cheese, drinking, finding random stores filled with crystals and going to a fancy tapas place that replaced the silverware so many times in between courses that I think we used more than I actually own. It was awesome.

 

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Sweet Jesus, everything in this place is adorable.

 

As such, I have officially named Burlington, “One of the places I would retire to if I ever wanted to completely cut myself off from anyone who as ever disagreed with me and also Walmart.”

Other places on this list are Ithaca, NY, which is basically Burlington with a gorge and Monteverde Costa Rica, which is on top of a mountain in the middle of the rainforest, complete with several coffee plantations. Some days I feel like I’m roughly 2.5 national tragedies/comedy festival rejections away from becoming an expatriate, so DON’T FUCKING PUSH ME. Also please book me.

 

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…..AAAAnyway I should probably talk about fashion now. I got this dress in a weird little dress/surf shop in Provincetown in Cape Cod, MA. It’s by Ocean Drive Clothing Co. The beaded necklace was another piece of jewelry that my mom used to wear in the ’70s. The earrings are by Amano Studio. The ring was a souvenir my parents gave me when they visited the Dominican Republic. The jean jacket is from the consignment shop chain, Buffalo Exchange in Davis Square. The purse is by Guess but I’m not gonna lie to you guys, I bought it from Marshalls. Also, in the great Vermont tradition of comfortable footwear, the shoes are from BOC. It’s a great brand that makes cute shoes that you can actually walk in without looking like you’re wearing something from your Grandma’s closet.

I don’t really talk about make up much but in case your wondering, since it’s absurdly bright, I’m wearing a liquid lipstick from Revlon called Ultra HD Matte Lipcolor in HD Spark. I LOVE how pigmented it is, but unfortunately, it’s not one of those ‘all day wear’ type liquid lipsticks, so you have to reapply a bit more than I’d like. It looks great though, just keep in mind, if you’re eating or drinking, it’s pretty much going to end up everywhere. You’ve been warned.

 

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The show itself was a ton of fun. It was at a bar/crepe place/venue, because that’s a thing in Vermont. A delightful thing. There were a ton of super cool Vermont comics there and everyone had a grand old time.

 

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Wooo comedy!

 

It also bears mentioning that there were murals damn near everywhere in Burlington, including in a long hallway filled with rainforest sounds on the way to the bathroom of the venue… which is how this happened.

 

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It’s right behind me, isn’t it?

 

After that we headed back home, immediately got a flat tire, got the flat tire fixed and drove back to Boston. And when I say drove I mean mostly Phoebe drove because I am the worst.

And just for the hell of it, here’s a clip from a set a did in the same dress from a show I did with PYPO Network. Cheers!