Lobster Rolls, Clam Chowder and Something About the Beach

Summer. The time of year where is nice to be outdoors for more than 3 seconds. Since Boston is conveniently located right on top of the water, it’s relatively easy to get to a nice (cold) beach. Every year my family rents a house for a bit down in Cape Cod, so once again I traveled there to eat clam chowder for every meal and have my feet go numb as soon as I put them in the ocean. New England: It’s just okay!

 

Also, my yearly lobster roll, cuz that shit is expensive.

 

This year we stayed in a house that was set back a bit in a woody area, hence the whole forest glen feel of my pics. I feel like it would be more appropriate for me to be dressed in a straight up woodland nymph-y type get up, but this is not that kind of blog. Well, okay maybe it is, but…not today.

 

High heels on moss is completely appropriate.

 

I was actually planning on taking photos of an entirely different outfit, but in the craziness of packing, I completely forgot it. Luckily, I was planning on taking a few pics of this outfit anyway, so here we are. I call this piece ‘Kind of a punky, rockabilly looking thing totally out of place in the middle of the woods.’

 

Slightly less out of place on Martha’s Vineyard, but not by much.

 

I got the skirt off the clearance rack at Urban Outfitters, since I am a cheapskate and that’s the only way I’ll buy anything there. The top is from Primark. I’m particularly excited about the shoes because I found them on a random trip to Goodwill. In addition to being *exactly* my size, (I always have issues with heels,) they were also on clearance. They cost me a whopping $3. Holy crap!

 

 

I got the earrings and bracelet from Lou Lou. I’ve had the spoon ring since I was in junior high, and yes it is a real spoon. Really. The name of the silverware pattern is on the inside of the ring. It’s called ‘wedding bells’ because, gender roles.

 

Me, in P-Town, with my skirt adorably riding up.

Last but not least, I got the bandanna for free, at a restaurant industry night at Toro in Boston for Tito’s Vodka, (Thanks Phoebe!) Yes, it says Tito’s on the bandanna, and yes, that is a tiny liquor barrel on it. Trashy? Maybe, but I love it so.

The Cape was once again a great time, even though I couldn’t drink the entire time I was there because I was on antibiotics and was obviously being punished by fate for kicking too much ass. But hey, at least I got to take this weird pinup photo leaning on a lawn ornament. C’est la vie!

You call it a bird bath, I call it an opportunity.

Popsicle Jumpers FOR AMERICA!

Instagram ads. They totally work on me and I hate it. I hate it so much. Fortunately, this time I wasn’t tricked into buying navy blue lipstick that only looks good on very specific IG models with very specific lighting…this time.

 

Baking: Another one of my talents that is not profitable in any way.

 

What I did get was this adorable jumper from Tipsy Elves. They recently corned the ugly Christmas sweater market and became a ridiculous clothing retailer for all seasons. Nostalgia value definitely influenced my purchase on this one. The ice cream truck that came around my neighborhood when I was a kid always had Bomb Pops.

After the brief rush of buying a thing I knew I didn’t need, I realized I didn’t even like Bomb Pops because seriously, why the hell would anyone get one of those when you can get anything that has chocolate in it? I also remember having this same exact thought when I was roughly 8 years old.

 

 

But I digress. I really do like this jumper, and despite the fact that I never really liked Bomp Pops, I’m a sucker for cute patterns. I wore this to a 4th of July BBQ, which was a tenuous decision and not just because my ex was there. Generally speaking, when drinking is involved I try to avoid jumpers because using the bathroom is at best a pain and at worst a horrifying nightmare in which the entirety of what covers your skin meets a gross bathroom floor. Me and this particular bathroom floor go way back, so I wasn’t worried.

 

And just for the hell of it, here’s what July 3rd looked like if you still had to go to work.

 

I got the heart shaped sunglasses from a random gift shop in Toronto when myself and a couple of my favorite comedy ladies, Phoebe Angle and Kristin Seltman stopped in to do the SheDot Comedy Festival  a couple years ago.

 

We came for the comedy, we stayed for the selfies.

 

The necklace is costume jewelry that I inherited from my grandmother. I’ve already restrang it approximately a thousand times. I have several pieces I need to restring every now and again but a little maintenance is worth it to keep a cool vintage piece around.

 

 

I took the outfit photos a few days early since I knew I wouldn’t have the time to take them before the party. This was my first venture into taking photos outside my building (literally this is the brick outside my building), with minimal embarrassment. I get SUPER self conscious taking these things, but where I took them is out of the way enough to not have anyone really notice. I know the photos I take in my hallway aren’t great, so I’m going to take them outside with this fancy natural light as long as the weather permits it.

 

If there’s not at least one brick wall photo, it’s not really a fashion blog.

 

Over all the party was a great time. I made fancy red velvet cupcakes and didn’t drink so much that I was hungover at work the next day. (Mostly, this was because I didn’t want things to get weird but nobody ended up in tears so I feel like I did my due diligence.) AMERICA!

A Rose by Any Other Name…is Probably a Knock Off

Summer! It’s here! As such, I have bought far more clothing than is actually wearable proportionate to the about of days it’s going to be weather appropriate! I take my 3 months of summer and I run with them.

 

 

I was still hanging around New York the day after the Mermaid Parade. Coincidentally, my parents and our family friends happened to be in town that weekend as well, so we hung out with them the next day.

 

I also hung out with this little fluffy maniac.

 

I thought it might be funny to post a photo of my dad in my Marie Antionette wig…but I figured he would NOT be cool with that.

Anyway, everyone wanted to see what ‘real’ New York was like. Since me and my brother have no idea what what actually means, we took them to a bunch of bars instead.

 

Close enough!

 

I took these photos at my brother’s awesome little outdoor space. The light was a little weird that day, so I didn’t too many good trellis pics but anything’s better than the annoying dark hallway I usually have to take my photos in. My apartment might just be the worst place to take photos ever, as evidenced by damn near every photo I have taken there. Also, my garbage disposal is broken and I don’t feel like calling my landlord about it, cuz human contact. Uugh.

 

Some call it ‘moody’ I call it, ‘not really a great photo when you can’t see the dress and technically this is a fashion blog.’

 

The dress is from Primark, the European version of H&M, which coincidentally, also happens to be European. The jean jacket is from Buffalo Exchange, a consignment shop chain. I bought the necklace at Artbeat, an awesome arts festival full of venders selling their wares in Davis Square in Somerville. (This year’s Artbeat is July 14-15, so get ready!) I bought the earrings for 50¢ on clearance and the bracelet is from Lou lou.

 

 

….oh and just in case anyone is wondering, that cup I’m holding as the main image of this post is empty. SHOWBIZ!

 

 

The Coney Island Mermaid Parade: Part Deux!

If there one thing you should know about performers, it’s that there’s nothing we like better than not being ourselves. What we like even more is attention, and given the right opportunity, fancy costumes. As such, I decided to take another trip to this year’s Mermaid Parade in Coney Island, Brooklyn, which is now quickly becoming my favorite day of the year.

 

(Photo credit Amanda Hatfield)
Me and my bro, kicking ass, taking names. (Photo credit Amanda Hatfield via brooklynvegan.com)

 

For those of you that are unacquainted, the Mermaid Parade, now in it’s 35th year, is a crazy mermaid themed bohemian art parade that celebrates Coney Island’s rich and wacky history. Mostly, though, it’s for artsy people to have a good time, create things that are beautiful and crazy and, of course to be mostly naked.

 

 

(Via untamednewyork.com)
(Via untamednewyork.com)

 

Anyone who wants to can march, there’s no heavy branding or corporate sponsors and no one’s really out to make money. Artists from all over the world, in a variety of fields (think costume designers, burlesque dancers, sculptors, textile artists and graphic designers) come out to celebrate by making elaborate, ridiculous and beautiful costumes, all because….why the fuck not? It’s fun.

 

IMG_4826
Julius the cat: Destroyer of worlds, hinderer of craft projects.

 

Think of it like Halloween, except your one lame friend who goes to the party every year as ‘himself’ isn’t invited. Make no mistake, the Mermaid Parade is not about half-assing it. You have to use, like, your entire ass. (Or tits, depending on how many weirdos you want photographing you. And there are A LOT of photographers. Mobs of them. Everywhere.)

 

illustration
I drew a bunch of these, but this one is the first one where I actually kind of had an idea of how everything would look finished.

 

I had the basic concept worked out for my costume way back in October, when I decided to be Marie Antionette for Halloween. After an exhausting search, (Seriously, it took a few weeks,) I found the perfect wig, which was unfortunately, $80. I couldn’t justify wearing it only once for that price so, the idea for Mermaid Antionette was born. I just took out some of the old flowers I had sewed into it and replaced them with sea inspired embellishments.

 

IMG_4872
Just an FYI, I fixed that gap between the rose and the tentacle but I’m pretty burned out on taking photos right now, so this is what you get. #sorrynotsorry

 

This gave me some time to slowly collect various floral pieces and little accessories throughout the year instead of trying to put together everything all at once. I also reused the panniers (the thingies that make your dress puff out and give you giant hips) from my original costume.

 

panniers
‘member these?

 

Since I went for a full dress on Halloween and the parade is all about (partial) nudity, I thought I’d work the Marie-Antionette-in-her-skivvies angle. I bought a fantastic white brocade corset from Phialli on Etsy. It was beautiful and well made for a great price. (Keep in mind their items are coming from Australia, so it took about a month to get.) I got the beautiful sequin fabric from la20fabrics on Etsy. They’ve got every kind of sparkly, holographic or spandex-y fabric you could dream of and it came super quickly.

 

IMG_4830
Note: Be careful with a glue gun, sometimes it melts the softer plastic floral items.

 

Initially, I had planned on covering the corset entirely in the sequin fabric, but I loved the way the brocade looked, so I only sewed it onto a few panels. I had no idea what I was going to do about the skirt, so I was pleasantly surprised when I got much more fabric than I thought.

I wanted to use real shells to glue on the bra part of the corset, but since I had no good way of attaching them, I went with a cheap pre-made sea sell bra that I took apart and decorated to my liking. This was also convenient since they had pre-drilled holes in them so it was easy to sew onto the corset.

 

Screen Shot 2017-06-21 at 10.53.37 AM (2)
Before!
IMG_4824
After! (right before I sewed on the beads)

I actually painted the shells with nail polish, which seems ridiculous but worked really well. Then I glued some lace to the back of the shell. After I had sewed/glued the seaweed into place on the corset, I sewed the shells on. Lastly, I embellished the shells with pink beads. I decided to skip the starfish because they were extremely brittle, so I didn’t think they’d make the trip to New York. (Also, because they were real starfish, they smelled pretty gross. Now I have a bunch of dead starfish I have no idea what do to with.)

IMG_5352
Laziest skirt ever.

 

I did almost nothing with the skirt. After I was done using the fabric for the corset, I cleaned up the edges a bit. It’s SUPER annoying to cut with the little sequins everywhere but luckily, it didn’t really need to be hemmed. Then I sewed a seaweed boa that I used for an old costume along one edge. Basically, I just ended up with a big rectangle. After I put the corset and panniers on, all I did was drape it over the panniers and safety pinned the crap out of it, which worked surprisingly well.

 

...like so!
…like so!

 

Next, it was onto the small detail stuff. Since wide fishnets are all the rage, it was easy to find those white fishnets on Amazon. The necklace I found a few years ago at the Brimfield Antique Show. Lastly, I painted my nails sea foam green and found some awesome nail stickers at Walgreens that went perfectly with my costume.

 

IMG_4940

IMG_5158
I’m not a manicurist but this gets the job done.

I did my makeup roughly the same as when I did Marie Antionette for Halloween but with more PIZZAZ! I mixed a super light foundation with white face paint and used lots of blush and a dark pink lipstick. Since this was non-traditional costume anyway, I also did a pink sparkly eyeshadow with a cat eye and tons of mascara, as I wanted to be seen from afar.

The parade itself was rainy but absolutely did not disappoint. Despite the rain the parade was packed with marchers in beautiful ridiculous costumes and spectators alike.

IMG_5164
Yup. Totally normal day.

While we were on the subway there, we were photography mobbed by a bunch of Asian tourists, and then when we got off the train when it was pouring, mobbed by the people waiting out the storm in the subway. (Seriously, whenever we stopped there would be a circle of photographers that closed in on us.) When we got sick of it we opted to walk into the pouring rain, had a bunch of cops yell, ‘Let them eat cake!’ at me though a loudspeaker in a police van and when the rain stopped about 20 minutes later, we were mobbed by photographers in the actual march. It was glorious and exciting and totally crazy. There’s always a general positive vibe throughout the march and it really feels like you’re part of a community.

This year, I made it a point to really up the ante costume-wise. While I liked what I put together last year, my mistake was not realizing it really needed to be seen from afar. I had a lot of small details in it, that generally went unnoticed when in the middle of a giant swarm of people. That’s why, this year, I opted for a giant wig. Two feet of hair is hard to ignore.

 

IMG_5056
I like big coiffés and I cannot lie.

 

My goal this year was to get a couple of photos in a few news outlets/have a few professional photographers interested in me, instead of a bunch of nerds with iPhones. Sure, there is technically a costume contest, but no one really pays much attention to it. The way to really tell you did a good job is if photos of you made it out there. And yeah, there’s probably a little more crotch than I’d like to see of myself in a media now, but hey, it was worth it.

Now that it’s over the only thing I can think of is: How the hell am I going to top this next year?

 

IMG_5139
Cool chick I met waiting to register for the parade.
IMG_5144
Part of an Alice in Wonderland themed group. The Cheshire Catfish.
IMG_5147
Handmermaids!

Want to see more pix online….and also me? Check these links!

brooklynvegan.com

untamednewyork.com

 

Jumpsuit into the Women in Comedy Festival! (See what I did there?)

Jumpsuits. I love them for some reason. Sure, you have to get almost completely naked to use the bathroom but unless you’re going to be doing a lot of drinking and using a gross port a potty (not recommended), it’s usually worth it. I mean, it looks like I’m wearing shorts AND pants AND a dress AT THE SAME TIME. That’s damn near impossible.

I took these photos awhile ago, thought I lost them, found them and ended up wearing the same outfit to one of my shows at the Women in Comedy Festival (WICF). Hell yeah!

 

IMG_6578
Some people call it “exploring the performance space,” I call it “doing a weird thing with my arm.” (Photo credit Jen Vesp)

 

After a year hiatus, WICF came back with a vengeance with tons more shows and fantastic comics than ever before. My lady focused comedy show, Broad Appeal was even featured as part of the festival.

 

Comedy accomplished!

 

It was a fantastic week of comedy. It was great being able to hang out with my comedian friends from out of town that I hadn’t seen in awhile. And yeah, we went to brunch. We ARE ladies after all. This is a stereotype I cannot escape.

 

Behold: My insistence upon never removing my fingerless gloves
Behold: My insistence upon never removing my fingerless gloves

 

I got the jumpsuit as well as the nail embellishments from Primark in downtown Boston. The nail embellishments are super cheap and aren’t too difficult to put on. You basically need to drop one on when your nail polish is still wet and kind of hope for the best. Using tweezers usually helps. After that you just paint a top coat over it and you’re all set. The polish itself is from Milani in the color Gilded Rocks. It’s a great rose-gold color that pretty matches with anything.

 

IMG_4660

 

I didn’t wear too much jewelry with this outfit, since the pattern kind of did the work for me, but I’ll never pass up an opportunity to wear my sugar skull earrings.

I was pleasantly surprised to get quite a few compliments on this outfit, despite the fact that I looked like I was wearing confusing ’70s pajamas, but ya know, classier. I’ll take it!

 

IMG_6587
(Photo credit Jen Vesp)

Another awesome WICF accomplished! I’m already looking forward to next year!

 

To find more about the Women in Comedy Festival go here! Not only do they sponsor a full week of lady comedy awesomeness, they also have several events going on throughout the year. Check it! 

 

Candy Striped Spring!

Ahh Easter! That special time of year when you travel back home to eat a bunch of ethnic food, hang out with family, color eggs and something about Jesus. I’m a big fan of both food and decorating things so I’m all about this. What I’m not all about is the 9 hour bus ride I took to get me there, but I digress.

We had a great night of ALL OF THE FOOD EVER on Saturday with friends and relatives, followed by EVEN MORE OF ALL OF THE FOOD EVER when we went to brunch the next day. Good times all around.

 

IMG_4544
Girly shit.

 

I wore this dress to brunch. I got it from Lindy Bop. They’ve got tons of adorable, reasonably priced retro inspired dresses in a wide variety of sizes. I love this wiggle dress, but a lot of Lindy Bop stuff is made for people who are extremely busty (not me) so I had to make due and wear a super padded bra plus these weird cleavage enhancer things. (Basically little fake boobs.)

 

IMG_4584
To be fair, they are pretty fun to squeeze.

 

They’re weird and I hate them and I was totally paranoid about having one fall out the whole time but they got the job done. I wouldn’t have worn these normally (#feminism) but it was easier and cheaper than taking the dress to a tailor. I felt a little weird even entertaining the idea of wearing them but they were like $6 from Primark, so it was worth the easy fix (#sorrynotsorry).

 

FullSizeRender
These boobs are lies.

 

I got the necklace from the Brimfield antique show. It’s a GIANT amazing antique fair that happens 3 times a year in Brimfield, MA. It’s an outdoor expo with of a wide variety of vendors, so you can always find something great. I got this particular piece from a place that was selling lots of old costume jewelry for super cheap.

The purse is actually the same one I used for my prom, a thousand years ago.

 

IMG_4260

 

I used a mint green color for my nails and painted a confetti sparkle polish over it. I did my hair based on a style in The Art of Hair: The Ultimate DIY Guide to Braids, Buns, Curls And More  by Rubi Jones. What I did looks pretty complicated but only took me about 10 minutes.

 

IMG_4257
I gots roots for days.

 

Basically, you just make a high pony tail, separate it into 3 sections and then pin the crap out of it in little intertwining loops on the top of your head. Then I classed it up with some pearly hair pins. This style works great with long hair and classes any outfit up without too much work.

 

IMG_4232
Easter: The best time for adorable food.

 

That’s about all for now! Next up: Some Women in Comedy Festival goodness!

 

IMG_4450 copy
Shhh…My parents will hear and ask why I am taking stupid photos of myself.

 

Sometimes Things are Awesome and Sometimes Things are Plaid

Comedy: Sometimes it’s kind of horrible and other times it’s totally amazing. One day you’ll be playing a 1,400 seat room and the next you’ll be doing in a show for 7 people in Worcester who absolutely hate you. It’s a little like having a shitty boyfriend that you can never quite let go of. Sure, it’ll treat you like crap most of the time, but every once and awhile it does something nice and you’re sucked right back in. About a week ago the comedy gods smiled upon me and I got to open for Michael Che from SNL at Boston University. Hell yes!*

I had never done a college show this size before, so I wasn’t quite sure what I was in for. The show itself was in the student union, which I couldn’t fathom having enough space to accommodate many people, but I forgot BU is a giantass college with a bunch of giantass buildings. (You know I’m classy cuz I attach the word ass to everything.)

IMG_4124
Yes, I asked for a picture. Do I feel weird about it? Absolutely, but I’m posting it anyway.

Anyway, we actually had to walk through the campus cafeteria in order to get to the performance space, which was a little surreal. Mostly, it reminded me that even though I thought I was an adult in college, it’s kind of a hard sell when all your meals are pre-paid for with the swipe of a pretend credit card with the cartoon of a an anthropomorphic tiger (or terrier in BU’s case) mascot on it.

The show was in a packed (1,400 seat) meeting space. To date that’s the largest room I’ve done. The Wilbur is about 1,200, so it’s pretty similar. You have to handle performing for really large audiences a bit differently than in smaller spaces, but it’s not as dissimilar as you’d think. Mostly, it’s just a matter of pacing.

 

IMG_4118 copy
Me, making a dumb face.

 

The show itself went great, the audience was awesome, Michael Che killed it and was super nice. All around a great night.

Unfortunately, no one was taking photos of the show, so I didn’t get a pic of myself or Che on stage, but here is a terrible photo I tried to take from backstage after my set. It’s awful! The lighting on the stage was a little crazy, so the only thing I really got was the video screen. Alas!

 

IMG_4123
I am super good at photography.

 

….and here’s a pic of me at a sparsely attended show in NYC with a similar outfit. Comedy is a cruel mistress.

 

Me at a show in NYC wearing mostly the same stuff.

 

The dress itself looks like it could have come from a Hot Topic, but I’m super classy, so I got it from Rainbow, which is a terrible store, with terrible clothing. Once and awhile you can sift though the crap and find something cool, which is how I found this dress. The belt is from Fossil, the earrings are from Nomad, one of my favorite stores in Cambridge and the necklace was from the clearance section of an H&M. I’m not that cool, you guys. It’s fine.

 

IMG_4167

 

Oh and by the way, I performed with a sprained ankle and those boots were the only shoes I wasn’t terrified of falling on my face in. The first time I fell on my face (which caused the sprain) was when I was on a date, because ya know, I am super cool. Like REALLY SUPER COOL. Really. I’m cool. I promise.

 

IMG_4121
The BU wall of fame, featuring the ladies from Broad City!

 

Sometimes comedy is good to me and I get to do really cool things like opening up for Michael Che. It’s kind of what keeps me going during the lulls of horribleness. I always appreciate the good stuff and at least the shit gives me some good stories.

 

Want to catch me live? The Women in Comedy Festival is coming April 19-23! I’ll be on a bunch of shows this year, plus the show I produce, Broad Appeal, will be getting a special showcase! Get tix while you can!

 

 

 

*I’m sure the rest of this year will be just awful!

Life is a Waking Nightmare But I’ve Got a Sweet Outfit, So There’s That

At long last! I’m back! And now that He Who Shall Not Be Named is president, I feel like I’m living inside a waking nightmare. I recently went through a breakup as well so I’m dating again, so I mean like, SUPER nightmarish. Like hell beasts and shit. I digress.

Any Valentine’s Day I’m by myself I always make the best of it. Why? Because, FUCK IT is why. I bought this skirt at Modcloth that day because a little retail therapy is all a lady needs. AMIRIGHT LADIES? (No. No, I am not. Shopping won’t fix your problems, BUT it will give you a small dopamine hit and I’m out of Xanex. We’re all just doing the best we can.)

IMG_3989

 

I got the earrings from Modcloth as well because kittens are adorable and I’m kind of a cat person. And no, I will never own more than one, because that would upgrade me to cat LADY and we all know what that means. It means I will have more than one cat.

The top is from Primark. As of late I have become incapable of buying a complete shirt. I don’t mind this, but it does sometimes get cold.

 

16807626_395515964160236_2458376893000154139_n

 

Anyway, I wore this particular outfit to a comedy storytelling show about dating, which is a thing I have to do now. You kids ever heard of The Tinder? Eeep.

 

resist
#resist

 

Also, speaking of hell beasts, I went to that lady march in January, to protest President Hell Beast, with my friend and fellow comic Mariel Cabral. We made some badass signs. We did not have hats BUT I donated the proceeds of my last Broad Appeal show to RAINN, out of spite. Also because RAINN is great. You should give them money. Or the ACLU or any cool charity, or call your government officials or ya know, whatever Facebook tells you to do.

 

C2uPB-qXAAAKYjx
#okaythatlastresistwaskindoftongueincheekbutyoushouldtotallyresistforreal

 

That’s all for now! Hopefully next time we’ll all be less terrified. But, probably not.

 

Want to support EVEN MORE lady comedy (and also some dudes?) Check out Broad Appeal Comedy Night, hosted by Yours Truly! Friday March 10th at Arts at the Armory in Somerville, MA!

Get tix here:

Eventbrite - Broad Appeal Comedy Night!

I don’t want to spend my best dressed day in a casket*

Holy crap you guys! It’s the one year anniversary of me not posting things within a relevant timeframe! …I mean it’s the one year anniversary of Stylish for a Standup! Hooray!

This of course, is what I wore on New Year’s Eve and to date, is the warmest dress I’ve ever worn on said occasion. I’ve had more than one New Years waiting for a cab at 2am while freezing my ass off and I will no longer stand for it. (Actually, I probably will, I just really liked this dress. Heh.)

img_3410

Normally, I wouldn’t have gone for something like this, because the dress itself was a little expensive BUT Modcloth happened to have a 40% off everything sale right before Christmas and I had been eyeing this baby for awhile. I took the opportunity and I’m glad I did…because, you guys…THIS DRESS HAS FUCKING POCKETS. HOLY SHIT!

 

img_3486

 

Pockets, a thing fashion designers have deemed not necessary for women. Oh sure, sometimes they will tease you a bit and give you pockets that are too tiny to use, or just straight up fake, but these are honest to god, usable pockets that you can put, you know…stuff in. Amazing!

Another thing I liked about this dress is that it came with a really nice crinoline petticoat built into it, so it gave the dress a nice bit of volume without being too puffy.

 

img_3530
Costume jewelry! (Ring from Meowington’s, bracelet from Macy’s, earrings from So Good.)

 

The only thing that I didn’t like about this dress was it was a bit too long. I’m about average height (5’5) and wore about 2-3 inch heels with it and it was still too long.

A lot of high fashion stuff is usually designed to be worn with crazy high heels. I have a pair of amazing super high heels that I’ve worn exactly once because I like not having a broken ankle more than I like wearing high heels. I understand this is a struggle for people, but not for me. Just make your shit shorter, fashion designers. I don’t want to be in pain all night and I like being able to break out into a run at a moments notice.

 

screen-shot-2017-01-09-at-10-09-06-am-2

 

I did my hair basically the same as last New Year’s Eve. Why? Because this particular updo takes some time to pull off, and it’s the one day a year where I’m willing to spend 2 plus hours on my hair. I also thought the funky side roll thing went pretty well with the vintage feel of the dress. I got the idea to do this from The Art of Hair: The Ultimate DIY Guide to Braids, Buns, Curls And More  by Rubi Jones which gives you pretty straight forward instructions on how to pull it off. Fun fact: I used chopsticks to roll my hair like that and it worked great. (Note: clean chopsticks first.)

I also did glitter roots again because its fun and super easy to do. Just add a bunch of glitter to hair gel, mix it up, then paint it on with a hair dye brush. I got excited and did an extra glitter streak, which didn’t look as good as I wanted it to but that’s what I get for experimenting.

 

img_3408-copy

 

As you can see my nails were a miserable failure that could have easily been avoided. I added adhesive nail jewels on top of silver nail polish. Supposedly they were reusable and specifically said not to put a topcoat on. Against my better judgement I didn’t. The little nails jewels proceed to catch on everything, including my hair, scarf and anything remotely fuzzy or textured so by the end of the night most of the jewels were missing/covered in fuzz. Gross.

 

img_3509

 

The next day I resurrected my nails a bit by adding some glitter polish and a topcoat. This worked much better. If you happen upon these particular nail stickers, they work great, as long as you ignore the directions and don’t expect to use them again.

 

img_3473

 

Over all the night was great. Per usual I spent it celebrating at the Comedy Studio with a bunch of my friends. Also as usual I don’t really have too many photos from this because I was too busy having fun. But here’s one of me and my friend/lady comic Mariel Cabral backstage, before we got too drunk to look cute.

 

I have taken more pictures inside this closet than I have in my own house.
I have taken more pictures inside this closet than I have in my own house.

So, happy 2017 everyone! Hopefully things won’t be too terrible. And when in doubt…BUY A DRESS WITH POCKETS!

img_3485

 

*Line from Long Live the Cheif by Jidenna, who I am currently in love with, for a number of reasons that are probably obvious.

The Hills Are Alive! (with the sound of me wearing an Alps dress)

It’s that time of year again! Chrismahannakwanzakah! The holiday season is one of my favorite times of year. Everyone is generally in a good mood, and you get lots of excuses to get drunk and be sparky. It’s the best.

I wore this outfit to a Holiday party over the weekend. I’ve been dying to wear it for quite some time. I actually found a skirt version of this dress at Modern Millie, while I was visiting Salem. I fell in love with it immediately because I’m German, and this dress is as German as you can get without wearing a dirndl. (Ya know, that dress with the tits that beer wenches wear.) They didn’t have my size, so I looked up the designer (Lindy Bop) and found out that they had not only one dress version, but 2! Yeha!

 

Sweet Jesus! What do I do? (via Lindybop.co.uk)
Sweet Jesus! What do I do? (via Lindybop.co.uk)

 

At this point I should point out that Lindy Bop is a British company (hence the pound signs) but, I directed you to the US site. It’s a fantastic company that produces many vintage style dresses for a great price, and like Modcloth, has stuff in many different sizes. (Their stuff goes from XXS-6XL. So everyone’s included. High five!)

 

img_3199-copy

 

As you can probably tell it took me FOREVER to figure out which version of this I actually wanted but I think my choice was solid. The little jacket it came with definitely sold it for me.

 

Obligatory bathroom selfie.

 

Since this was not my first cutesy 50’s dress, I decided to invest in a petticoat. Holy crap you guys, I want to wear one, like every damn day. I didn’t go for an expensive one on the Lindy Bop site. You can find petticoats on Amazon for around $10-$15 in every color of the rainbow.

 

screen-shot-2016-12-20-at-2-49-32-pm-2
All my childhood dreams are coming true!

 

I wasn’t initially planning on wearing gloves with this outfit, but I dug them up accidentally and thought they’d work perfectly with it. (Full disclosure, they were part of an old Cruella de Vil halloween costume. Heh.)

 

img_3279-copy
I’m not gonna lie to you, I was doing this all night long.

 

Then, we partied! And yes, it was the best.

 

….And since is also comedy blog, here’s my Mrs. Claus costume for a sketch I was in at the world famous Comedy Studio Holiday Show!

 

img_3298
Obligatory bathroom selfie.

 

I bought exactly zero things for this costume. I used another one of my 50’s dresses, a wig from an old Halloween costume, Christmas socks with fur tops and a Santa hat I’ve had forever. Voila!

 

15621820_10154067068031892_7438043124822371013_n

 

I played a lonely Mrs. Claus, writing letters to a death row inmate, played by fellow stand up comic Ryan Shea.

 

15589921_10154004323546746_8023200778301986028_n
Shit got weird.

AND THEN WE ALL GOT DRUNK <3

Merry/Happy Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Winter Solstice/Whatever!